Let the Sun In

The sunshine's been out for several days now.  It's such a rare and welcome treat to see in January in Portland.  Every time I feel the sun's rays, I feel a little more optimistic.  A little better.  I guess this explains why I'm so much happier in summertime.  I think I've had seasonal depression since my first winter in Portland, which was twelve years ago.  My relationships always end in winter.  My motivation always falters in winter.  I'm moodier and angrier and tenser and more agitated in winter.  I feel like a different person in winter.  This wintertime depression has become such a common and accepted part of my yearly routine, I don't think I even noticed that it didn't actually go away in the sunny months this year.  I didn't notice that it clung to me all year long.  It just felt ... familiar.  So I let it be.

Right now, I'm excited.  I'm hopeful.  I have a plan for combatting the moodiness, the anger, the irritation, the sadness.  And for once it involves looking beyond myself.  I can't cure my own bad moods.  I know this is true.  But I know there are so many people who can help.  So I'm asking them to help me, and they're answering loudly.  Human kindness is an incredible thing.