Babies and Dinosaurs, I Tell Ya

I have a new pet peeve.  It may seem a little random / weird / harsh, but here it goes.

As a late twenty-something reader of such magazines as Self and Glamour, there is nothing I despise more than pulling a magazine out of my mailbox or seeing it at the checkout counter and finding Miley Cyrus on the cover.  Or Taylor Swift.  Or that girl from High School Musical whose name I can't remember.  Or any other girl who happens to be 15, or 19, or 21, or however old they are.

As a late twenty-something reader, I am trying to figure out my life and all of its components: career, finances, independence, balancing acts, goals, etc.  What I need at this time, more than ever, is to be able to look up to someone who has been there, done that, got through it just fine.  Someone with a little life experience under her belt.  Someone who can say, "Oh honey, yes, you will be just fine."

When I read the so-called love and life wisdom these girls dispense, it reminds me of when I was 19 and thought I had many, many things figured out.  And it reminds me of when I was 23 and realized that Whatyaknow, I don't actually know much about anything just yet.

But you know who does?  Women who have endured more decades than me and who have picked up some knowledge and wisdom along the way.  Women who have worked to earn their positions and women who have the sweat to show for it.  I'm sorry, but if you're a millionaire at 15, we automatically have nothing in common.  So no, I'm not really interested in hearing your secret for maintaining your now two-month relationship.

If you want marriage advice, do you ask a newlywed or the one who's been married for 30 years?  If you could spend an hour learning life lessons from either a toddler or a senior citizen, who would you choose?  I'm not saying we should discount young talent and drive -- please, please do not discount young talent and drive, or lord knows I'm out of a job -- but can we tone back the advice sessions?

The best advice that I can give you as a twenty-something ... is to go ask a 30, 40, 50, or 60-something who has already figured it out, and who can give you a gentle ear and helping hand as you fumble along.  

I look at my grandmothers -- both well into their eighties -- and think: That's what I want to be like.   And isn't that as it should be?  There are authors I respect so much -- mainly in their thirties and forties -- and when I see them and read their work, I think: That's what I want to strive for.  And isn't that as it should be?

"Get a grant for $1,000.  Move to a foreign country.  Get drunk.  Get married.  Get divorced.  And live -- live so you have something to write about."

That was a quote from my American Literature professor, when asked by a student if he thought going to grad school was worth the investment.  I never got from it "Don't go to grad school," but rather "Don't even think about going to grad school until you've lived a bit."  And, because of those words, I didn't.  I lived two sloppy, messy years out of college, then applied for grad school.  And when I didn't get in right away, I lived a few more sloppy years.  And I'm proud of some of the messes I made, because what rich lessons I learned.  And what the heck would I have to write about if I hadn't?

So, that's my main problem with taking advice from a seventeen-year-old.  I get that when you're a celebrity, you travel the world and have experiences -- but no, I'm sorry, unless you are Doogie Howser D.M.D. and in fact know how to cure cancer, I want to wait ten years before I hear your philosophies on love and loss, okay?

My girl Helen got the win on the the finale of The Biggest Loser.  This was good because she worked really hard and was a total underdog, and I'm a fan of hard workers and underdogs.  But what was annoying is that host Allison Sweeney pointed out -- as she did every single week for the last 20 weeks of the season -- that Helen is a whopping 48 years old.

"What would you say to the 48-year-old women out there watching the show?" was the question asked of Helen many times throughout the show.

I'm sorry -- did I miss something?  Did they actually say that Helen is 97 and I just misheard it?  Because last time I checked, 48 is not old.  So, while it's impressive that she lost so much weight, no matter what her age, is it a big deal that she's 48 freaking years old?  A big enough deal to mention it every single week?

No!

And this is how it happens.  We view 48 as old (!!!) and we think a 15-year-old makes an appropriate cover girl and role model.  It's bad enough that my generation was taught to look up to celebrities as our idols (as opposed to, say, real women like our mothers and teachers).  Now there's this underlying message that they must be women of a certain (young) age.

No!

I don't want to take life advice from a 15-year-old.  Sorry.  I don't think it's a big deal that a 48-year-old can run a marathon.  Sorry.  I do think my wonderfully gray and wrinkled grandmothers are the two most beautiful women I know.  Sorry.  And I do think that when it comes to life, love, loss and lessons, I can only tell you what I've learned in a very short amount of time.  But there are masters out there who have been challenged, and who have endured and persevered and overcome, and who have looked life in the face and succeeded.  Honestly, I want to hear from those people.  I want to know their secrets.

So seriously, please, get Miley Cyrus out of my face and put a warrior on the cover.

Thank you.

Oh, and P.S. 48 is not old.  And neither is 64, for that matter.  So calm down about these people ("Oh my gosh, they're grandparents!") accomplishing all they're accomplishing.  It's impressive, yes -- but not because of their (young) age.