Readers, I don't know if you've picked up on this ever, but there are certain things that seem to happen to me. You know, things that don't really happen to most people. Like, for example, take today, my 27th birthday. The day included:
1.) A trip to the OBGYN (it's easier to remember your yearly exam if you schedule it for your birthday!) that leaves me quite annoyed at how dismissive my doctor is. Excerpt: Dr: "Do you have any special concerns today?" Me: "Well, yes. I know someone who died of cervical cancer and I'd like for this to be as thorough of an exam as possible." Dr: "Oh, I know how scary it can be when you know someone who's died of cancer, and suddenly you start thinking cancer is contagious. But really, there's a VERY low percentage..." Ugh.
2.) So, in the last couple of days, my phone has been disintegrating. Basically, it doesn't work unless I have it on speakerphone -- not exactly convenient for being out in public. So, I decide to take it to the Verizon store in Bridgeport Village, since that's what is closest to my doctor. BIG MISTAKE. Thirty minutes to even be acknowledged -- no joke. I want to leave, but I can't -- I have to get my phone fixed! Finally, I talk to a tech guy who basically accuses me of getting my phone wet (you'd think I would remember such a thing) and says I'll have to pay $50 to get a replacement phone. But oh wait, of course they don't HAVE the phone I need at that store. For that, I'll have to drive to Beaverton to the ...
3.) Cedar Hills Verizon store, where they promptly give me a new phone, for free, and make me wonder just what the heck is wrong with the way the Bridgeport store is run. Total amount of time lost to Verizon stores on my birthday (yes, I'm including my commute time): 2 1/2 hours.
4.) Thank goodness I have a hair appointment with the lovely Tina to look forward to at 1pm. Oh, wait. This whole Verizon fiasco got me so behind schedule that I find myself parking in just the nick of time to get to my appointment. But wait! I still need to get cash! (You can't tip on a card at the Aveda Institute). Off to the Whole Foods ATM I go, where I discover:
5.) I don't have my wallet with me. Lovely. I search my purse and I search again. I go back to the parking garage. I search my car. I finally find my wallet under the driver's seat. Time: 1:12pm. I call the hair place, only to be told:
6.) Too late. Tina has another appointment afterward, so no way could I show up 15 minutes late and still get done in time. They would be more than happy to schedule me with another stylist...
7.) NO! I love Tina and the whole point of scheduling an appointment on my birthday is not just to get sleek hair, but to get in the chat-fest I am so desperately craving. This woman started as my hairstylist, but has since become my friend. No way, I say. I'll wait for the next appointment with Tina. Great, they say. Come back at 3:45. Leaving me...
8.) Almost three hours to kill. Which is fantastic, because I actually have a lot of work to do. In particular, there's an upcoming assignment I need to get crackin' on ASAP because it has a very short time frame. Great, I'll go to Powells and check my email on my laptop...
9.) After I buy my coffee, because I would feel weird sitting in the cafe and using my computer without buying something first. I get my coffee -- actually, iced tea, though I'd originally been planning on coffee (it was hot today!) and sit down at a table. My laptop is on its very last moments before I'll need to plug it in and recharge. I look around, only to discover that all of the seats by the outlets are taken. My computer dies and ...
10.) Side note: The names of the companies I need to contact for an interview are contained within an email. That's why I am so desperate for email, in case you were wondering. I walk around, looking for the nearest coffee shop with wifi. No easy feat, though you'd think it would be, right? I keep walking until I finally come across...
11.) A gelato store. I walk in and inquire if they have wifi. "Yeah," the server tells me, in a voice so muffled, I don't actually know if he said "yeah" or "no." "Yes?" I ask. "Yeah," he repeats in the same muffled voice, once again leaving me with no idea what word he is actually using. I decide to take my chances, so I order coffee (actually coffee this time) and sit down. I open my laptop, only to discover...
12.) Yes, they have wifi, and yes, it says that it's connected, but no, it doesn't work. I stall for twenty minutes, with my computer plugged into an outlet on the wall. If I can just get a little more battery power, I can go back to Powells...
13.) Which is what I do, where I finally check my email and discover that something I hoped would work out today was a total bust. And other people are asking me a lot of work-related questions. I'm kind of wishing I'd never even bothered checking my email, and then it's irrelevant anyway because ...
14.) It's time for my hair appointment. Thank God for Tina. Seriously. I love this woman. The hour I spend with her is the FIRST bright spot in my entire birthday day (well, unless you count finally getting a new phone -- but I don't, since it was such a hassle).
15.) When my hair appointment finishes, I am two blocks away from my dinner location, but also two hours away from my dinner time. I decide to walk around, then get a brainstorm, which is to:
16.) Walk to the riverfront and enjoy the sunshine. I sit on a quiet bench and enjoy a lovely moment before...
17.) A homeless man joins me on the bench. Excerpt: Him: "I am tired! Would you know I'm 50 years old? You can tell by the gray in my beard. How old are you?" Me: "27." Him: "27! You look 15!" Me: "I get that a lot." Him: "27! I can't believe it! There's a dumpster a few blocks away. If you wanted to go behind it, we could have some sex --" Me: "I have to go now."
18.) Lovely, peaceful moment finished. Done. Over. I'm telling you, these things don't happen to other people! They really don't. But then...
19.) I meet my parents, my roommate Barbara, and my dear friend Kendall and have a lovely (vegan) meal at the Blossoming Lotus. Bliss. And finally:
20.) Cake at my parents' house. Now, this is what a birthday should be.
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